Thursday, May 24, 2012

Do you laugh at funerals?

I know, I know, it's rather cliche to say I laugh at funerals....but I do. I also say the WORST things EVER. I mean, I laugh until my belly shakes, tears are pouring down my face and I LOOK like I am fucking freaking out from grief. If you ever question my honesty on this one....ask my sister. We have to talk ourselves into NOT laughing. FYI...that makes it worse. 

At my Uncle Jim's funeral when I was 9, I laughed first when I was told this young man had died. He was 38, an alcoholic, and believed not only that he was Jesus but that Barry Manilow was his brother. True story. The bowling alley where he hung in the city STILL talks about him 30 yrs later. My uncle was nuts and I cherished him. He was a bad ass as well. He won awards in body building in Chicago....He was good to me.
I remember what I wore to that service and I remember laughing so damn hard that I was removed from the service. My fucked up family thought I was as nuts as he was..........

My "cousin" Cody committed suicide. He had a fucked up life, became an addict, blew his brains out. I was at the service talking to his girlfriend when I blurted out "I just wanted to blow my brains out" which made me LAUGH so fucking hard......I know, I know.

When my grandmother passed away, I was heartbroken. I knew nothing in this family would ever be the same. I missed her before the words came out of my ex's mouth that she had passed. She was the best kind of crazy and funny and gorgeous. She was not the hugs n kisses kind of lady, rather bad ass really but you knew you were loved. On the drive to her funeral I had my mom and sister with me. Driving with my mother is about as much fun as driving blindfold in the rain, but as soon as we got to Michigan, mom buzzed, it was game ON. From the priest to my mother to my sister.....I laughed hard. The one second I cried here was when my brother who was raised by her, broke down in choking sobs. I never, ever wanted to end someones pain as badly as I did that minute. 

My grandfather passed shortly after....He had Alzheimer's. My granfather was a drunk for years, quit and stayed sober for a long fucking time. He was mean and kind and once convinced us kids he was going to murder santa....he even had the gun. Funny ass fucker, right? (seriously, I think so)
When he died, it was the end of the end. My family had officially split apart. I knew my grandpa was NOT happy about a catholic burial but what made this HYSTERICAL was the fucking priest didn't know his name. He kept referring to Emanuel, his name is Samuel. I laughed so hard i had to get up and leave....some thought I was weeping and fucked up. truth is, I was glad he didn't suffer anymore and I knew he was pissed as shit this guy could not get his name right.

My BIL's dad was murdered in Chicago. He was a security guard and got detailed to a white castle. He was murdered by a schizophrenic man. NOT FUNNY. this is awful....My sister talked me through not opening my mouth for any reason....but I did. I said to T's mom "It's SOOOOOOO nice to FINALLY meet you!!!!!" K just looked at me, shaking her head. 

My father in law passed away in 2010. I even cared for him in the hospital for a couple weeks. I was sad and loved him. At his funeral, he was a fireman, when they started with the bagpipes and speeches....I almost threw up from laughter. The speeches, drunk fireman, crazy family, it was INSANE.....My sister, sitting next to me had tears streaming down her face. Now, I know that was because she was laughing with me, most people thought we were hysterical. How can one NOT laugh when one speech entails how John left his first wife and "snuck off with poopsie".....I am telling you guys, That's in my top 5 best funerals. EVER.

It could be my discomfort with death, awkward situations, not knowing what to say and feeling the need to say ANYTHING...but if there is a funeral, guaranteed I'll be the one laughing and saying stupid shit.
It's not a lack of love or's a sense of relief to get any emotion out.

Disclaimer* No, Alzheimer's, suicide, death is not funny. If you think that's what I am saying, move along. 


  1. I love you girl...and i have SOOO had those moments in funerals. When you can feel the smile creeping up...and you can feel the laugh building in your belly. That moment when all you can do is cover your mouth with your hand and hope no one hears you snort! When i get nervous or upset...sometimes...I just laugh. It can't be helped!

  2. Oh girl. You were in line at my mother in laws funeral, weren't you? Haha. I'll tell you what I've learned, 1) never walk up to the casket, stand off to the side, stay there until you get the family's attention and mouth "So sorry. Love you" then leave. 2) if you HAVE to walk up to the casket, give hugs and say, "I'm so sorry....I truly have no words." Then leave....if you can. This has saved me on countless occasion. Although the air hug and kisses that I give while standing off to the side may seem a little awkward to some. (You crack me up, have I told you that already)

  3. Holy shit balls!! I thought I was the only one who ever did this! When I was 15 my bestfriend died in a car accident. When I went to his funeral with my other b.f.f. (yeah I'm 33 and still use that shit).. I started laughing! I was WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME??!! My grandmother told me it was nothing to be ashamed of .. it was nerves. I had been to other funerals and not laughed but I was so young then I can't be 100% on that. My Senior year of highschool my boyfriend of 2 years died. Again with the fucking laughter. I was seriously devastated by his death and even though his parents loved me I think they thought I was an asshole for laughing. The only time I didn't laugh was when my Grandmother, who raised me and who I actually called Mom died. I sobbed for weeks, began to drink heavily, and eventually got into a physical altercation with my biological mother at the grave site. After her boyfriend took he off my aunt (who was more like a sister to me) and I laid on the ground and laughed for hours. Point to my long ass story... laughter is what keeps us going, even if it makes us look like the asshole, it gets us through shit. Thanks for sharing and making me feel like less of an asshole. :)

  4. Jesus H.
    I need to bring you along to the next big fat greek funeral. They all but throw themselves into the casket with the deceased love one. We could use a little chuckle or two.
    I pay my respects and get the eff out of Dodge. I can't keep a straight face when they go mental like that.
    xo love you!

  5. PS - you are so funny that even your blog commenters are hilarious.

  6. Thanks everyone...I am happy I am not alone.

  7. Thanks for joining the blog hop! I'm your newest follower

  8. LMAO!!! I do the same effing thing!! I've got it figured out though...humor is my coping mechanism!! Without it, I'd go insane. Besides, nobody really wants everyone silently sobbing and boohooing at their funeral. At mine, I hope they tell the story about when I face planted in the middle of the bar...when I was already sitting on a bar stool.

  9. WOW!!! Loved loved loved this!! SO fucking relieved I am not the only one !! I not only couldn't quit laughing at my dads funeral I alomost choked to death trying so hard not to laugh when the priest was giving last rites the morning right before he died! How fucking sick is that I ask you???!!! Now I loved and adored my pops. He was funny as shit. He loved his music and even loved making fun of people who had thick foreign accents (his grandparents did) and he laughed at thngs that if you didnt know the context you'da thought he was an asshole. The priest who gave last rites? He was filipino. His english was bad~~~real bad.. I was picturing my dad as he lay dying making fun of the priest for godssakes and that was it for me. All the family fourteen of us that lived close enough except me I had to fly 3000 mioles, held hands in a big circle around his bed while the filipino priest did last rites. I tried looking at the ground man I knoiw my shoulders were shakeing like I was having a grand mal seizure for godsakes. I just wanted it to end because I was going to die. Same thing at the funeral. I asked my shrink (yes been going for depression due to chronic pain for ten years now)she said laughing and crying are very close to each other and that a lot of people laugh rather than cry. You know something? My dad would have been glad I laughed both those times. Afterwards, I was with my adult kids, my mom and sis and bro and sis in law and I had them in stitches relating the last rites incidence and me trying to hold my laughing. Imagine my surprise when my sis and sis in law both said they too were trying hard not to laugh thnking the same thing I was about pops cracking up and making fun of this poor priest! The funeral they didnt laugh but they know I'm weird so weren't surprised by me laughing. They know I loved him. Sorry, hope you don't mind my going on. It felt nice. AnywayI just found your blog, been reading some FB but I dont get all of your posts in fb. You are so funny and I love your writing. Thanks for being you and making me not feel so alone.